michelle 2.0 (gloryhound) wrote in bind_the_fabric,
michelle 2.0

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For once the shadows gave way to light...

I wanted to post today because I have this "connection" that I feel the need to talk about and that is what this community is for, right? SO....
Hopefully this introspective post will not scare you all.

For those of you who don't know, I live in Arkansas and I am married and even though I love my husband, I also have a slight crush ::pauses for those who know me to laugh about my use of the word SLIGHT:: on Sebastian. This is really not about that though.
This is about the person who understands that and embraces that with me.
I know that pretty much everyone "loves" Sebastian. He is that kind of guy. Everyone has their "fave" Rent person that they connect with, or just dig, for whatever reason. Very few of us would say that Sebastian is that #1 person for them. He is for me. And he is for Kait and I am so happy that we have that to share. When I was in NYC, I was a little overwhelmed by the crowd and at times, I felt self-conscious about gushing over Seb, since every person that I was there with already knew him very well and really could care less. (And I do not mean that in a bad way....I love all y'all) But Kait was there and it was okay to gush with her.

Flashback to last night: I have had 2 really pretty crappy days. I mean honestly. Marriage is hard, but I won't go into all the stuff that caused me the bad days. But yeah, I felt like absolute crap, depressed and having an existential crisis, if you will. I was pretty much in mid-fight in this really extended fight with the husband when I read Kait's post in here about Seb!Mark. Now I LOVE Seb!Roger (shut up) and I want more than anything to see Seb!Mark, but the realist in me knows that the odds of this are VERY slim. So while I LOVED what she posted last night about Seb!Mark, it hit me hard that I would never see it.
I FriendsLocked this crazy rant, which was kind of hard for me because I am a pretty private person. (True Cancer the crab really) and Kait, Julie, and MaDonna all posted amazing support messages that made me feel completely loved. I wasn't looking for sympathy really, but I felt like I got some and I really appreciated it.

Today, I am still sad and icky and on top of that, I have to go to the dentist! NOT loving being me at the moment.
But on my way home, my cell rings and I hear, "mumble....Vampire Welfare Queens..." Well, I expected it to be Sebastian and there was a tad bit of confusion on my part, but when Roger started singing, I knew that I was hearing Sebastian. "The film maker cannot see" was all I needed. That one little bit of song completely transformed my mood and made me okay again.
And Kait, you knew that would happen.

My cell rings again a few minutes later and I heard Sebastian singing "Your Eyes." I will spare you the girly crushy omg teenybopper bit now, but, yeah, I love him singing that song. He just kicks ass on that song. And I got to hear it. And I never thought I would hear it live again. And I did. And it made me cry and get out all the emotion I had been going through these past few days.
Kait, I tried to call you a little while after, but when I picked up the phone, I couldn't do it because I was still all weepy. I didn't want to be all stupid when we talked...

But anyway, Kait, I know that you have a whole slew of people that you share things with. You have so many friends and people that adore you and l am just one little far-away person out of a big bunch that you think of when you walk into that theatre. But when you called me today, I knew that you KNEW what I needed. And I will never be able to do anything even remotely close to repay you for that, but I wanted to say THANK YOU. I appreciate it more than you will ever know.
Thanks for getting it.

And that is probably far more than you ever wanted to know, but it is a big part of who I am and how I feel right now. I just wanted to put it down and let Kait and all of you know...
I consider myself really lucky to live vicariously through you guys. I really do. I love it. So thank you to all of those who have friended me and let me share in some of the Rent-related love!
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